The Only Thing That Raped You, Jon, Was A Scummy Sense Of Entitlement

Those of you who have been keeping up with the ins and outs of the hot sack of douchy drama that is Jon Gosselin will no doubt know that his apartment was "broken into" recently, and ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman is to blame. Or so he says. (I tend to think he trashed the place himself for the insurance money, but that's a discussion for another time). But Jon's saying a lot of things right now, mostly through his scummy lawyer, who by the way makes Michael Lohan look like an eloquent saint. When speaking to Radar, the asshole uttered:

"Jon feels like he was raped."

Now, let's discuss this statement for a second here. Jon says he feels raped. Raped. Not violated. Not assaulted. But straight on, prison style bend you over and make you take it rape.

Tell me, does breaking and entering and theft equal the emotional devastation of rape and sexual assault? Can you even BEGIN to compare? First off, I would hope that a woman, a physical human being, would be more than just a piece of damaged property. Second, think of the insensitivity of that statement. How could being a victim of theft in any way compare to the walking corpse that rape makes out of women? 1 in 4 women is sexually assaulted before the age of 40, and those are the ones we know about. Think about it, how many women do you know who have never been sexually assaulted or raped? I don't know many, if any (believe it or not, its a touchy subject to bring up and we don't exactly go around wearing a scarlet R on our chests). To borrow a paragraph from Melissa over at Shakesville, we constantly have to consider:

what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you're alone, if you're with a stranger, if you're in a group, if you're in a group of strangers, if it's dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you're carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you're wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who's around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who's at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defense, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn't follow all the rules it's your fault.

We live in constant fear. We ignore the sexual assault and harassment we've endured in life because to not would simply make us an empty shell of frustration. We calculate our every move to prevent rape, when really we should be telling rapists to, you know, stop raping people.

Unless Jon's no no hole is gaping, gushing, bleeding, and possibly infected. Unless he can't sit down. Unless he can't go outside at night unattended for fear of being assaulted. Unless he looks at 50% of the population with shifty eyes. Unless he calculates his every move to try and avoid "those durn rapists" who just can't keep their rapey hands off of innocent people, unless he lives a life of restrictions and guidelines and dodging tactics and shame, unless his body was violated, unless he was held down and forced to do something he did not want to do, unless he was coerced into sex for fear of being seriously physically harmed, then he wasn't raped. He's just a drama queen shedding crocodile tears, insulting the female gender while he's at it. Again.

Jon, if you or your scummy lapdog are reading this, I genuinely hope one of your darling daughters is never raped, and you never have to look in her eyes and remember comparing a breaking and entering to the devastation of her mind and body, to the destruction of her slim, ever-weakening sense of safety in the world.

And before any of you feel genuinely hurt by his law-dog's idiocy, take heart. The man described one of Jon's supposed Ming vases as "100 years old". Um, the Ming Dynasty ended before the 1700s, dude. Its called Encyclopedia Brittanica. Its not hard to use.

These two are such douches, we need a new word for douche. He and Joe Francis should go bowling.