Golden Globes Red Carpet Dresses: Renee Zellweger,Tina Fey, Miley Cyrus, Eva Longoria, And More!

So the Golden Globes were this past Sunday. You know that, I know that, I didn't need to tell you that. I know you've probably been inundated with posts about it so I'll try to keep it short. Up first is Renee Zellweger. To quote my favorite crackie trainwreck soul singer, what kind of fuckery is this? There are no words. OK, except for a few. 1880s brothel madam comes to mind. Or Prairie Prostitute Barbie. Oh boy. Tina looks good but thoroughly unamused.

Vanessa Hudgens looks good. Did you hear she's trying to piggyback onto the next Twilight movie? Nice move, teen queen. HSM and Zac Efron won't last forever. I love Sandra Bullock's hair and dress, she looks amazing.

Miley and her precocious, 16 year old cleavage showed up. Is that some kind of rite of passage of the new generation? You can wear makeup at fifteen, show your cleavage at sixteen? I musta missed that one. My Mom woulda slapped me if I'd so much as worn a tanktop around my own father, but Miley is traipsin' around with her boobs in her face and Papa Cyrus is looking on approvingly. There's something seriously wrong here.

Wow Rumer Willis is looking as good as she ever has or ever will. That dress color is perfect for her hair and skin and the earrings were a great accent. I'm impressed. Now if we could just get her to stand up straight. Or shave down the Leno chin. Either one would do.

I'm only posting this picture of Salma Hayek because I want to mention how much her performance last week on 30 Rock sucks balls. Of all the recurring guest stars they've had on the show, she is by far the most 2 dimensional and wooden, and she's a complete detriment to the show. I say that having seen the episode with David Schwimmer. But at least there's Mary Louise Parker. Maybe if I place these two photos by one another, it'll average out the talent factor a bit.

Hayden did the opposite of Miley, she went for the no-boobs look. I guess that's how her pedo boyfriend likes it. I'm a fan of Christina Applegate but her look is somewhere between Cinderella and vomited creamed corn. Nice to see the boobs are back, though. Glad you're better, sweetie!

Two Evas. Two lovely dresses. Two massive, undeserved egos and talent for lying to the press. But hey, at least they look pretty!

Amanda Seyfried, 'cause I love her. But I don't love her dress. Sorry sweetie, that color makes you look too washed out, and Grecian goddess is like so 2005. Amy Poehler and Will Arnett on the right, Will doing that creepy child toucher impersonation he always does and Amy smiling away. Love the dress, hawt!