Madonna Wears Astroturf To The UNICEF Dinner NYC

Astroturf Couture: When You Just Don't Want To Piss Off PETA. In fact, I bet she woulda worn sod if she hadn't thought some fruitarian (no doubt the next step for Gwenyth Paltrow's flabby vegan ass) would take a knife to her. And by take a knife to her, I mean, cut and remove the sod from her body and put it back on the Earth where it belongs. And where she belongs too. She looks like she should be six feet under.

Ugh, she must be smokin' what she's wearin'. How many new faces has she had so far? Is this her third? I can't tell, probably 'cause the hairstyle and lighting are flattering. Or that dress is just too distracting and I'm not seeing straight. Looks like what Peter Pan dresses up in for his furry fetish sex romps with the Cookie Monster.

This woman is a nonstop celebratory parade all dedicated to the person she loves most: herself. She's not content to have all the attention because she's a soul sucking harpie viciously draining the public's conscious dry, but she's gotta get people wagging their tongues about her outfits, too. She's just not going to be happy until she has at least two headlines a day, is she? In case you care, one of the headlines today is that Madonna and Guy Rithie's divorce has reached a settlement and may end as soon as tomorrow, with Guy "The Golddigger" Ritchie asking for nothing (ha ha! in your face, hosebeast!) of her estimated $450 million fortune. In other words, soon this spectacle will be over and then they'll forcefeed us the A-Rod and Madge headlines instead. Gee, I can hardly wait.